


Five times Clint got what he wanted and one time he got caught

by Marvel_Patronus1



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Clint really wants those arrows, F/M, Hulk likes Barbie, M/M, Phil - Freeform, Puppy eyes, Tony is plotting world domination, fangirling, five and one fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 12:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvel_Patronus1/pseuds/Marvel_Patronus1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fury stared at the page in front of him with a mixture of anger and shock on his usually impassive face.<br/>- Twelve dozen Acidic arrows</p><p>- Fifteen kilograms of Plutonium</p><p>- Two pints of Russo-Baltique</p><p>- Six puppy purses</p><p>- One Barbie Easy Bake Oven</p><p>All signed off by Agent Phil Coulson<br/>What had been going on while he was away?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five times Clint got what he wanted and one time he got caught

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that's been rattling around in my brain...along with a gazillion other things.
> 
> It's just a short fic about Clint's desire for acidic arrows and Coulson's not so secret Captain America obsession. 
> 
> I'm really sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes you find- I've read over it a few times but I always have a tendency to miss things

**1.**

Clint had wanted the arrows since Spain.

Hill said no.

Sitwell said no.

Fury had laughed in his face.

Coulson was his last chance. He really wanted those arrows. With a speech ingrained in his mind he knocked on the heavy wooden door four times. Then four more just incase Coulson hadn't heard him.

"Knock one more time Barton and I'll give you a years worth of paperwork to file." Coulson said as the door opened. He stood there firmly, shorter than Clint but watching him with skeptical eyes. His suit was immaculate- as if he hadn't just helped stop doombots from once again taking over New York City.

"What can I help you with Barton?" Clint falters for a moment.

"Ahh..." He started unimpressively. Coulson sighed and pushed the door open a little more before walking to his desk. Clint takes that as his cue to come in and sit across from Coulson in one of the black leather chairs. He leans forward to take a few jellybeans out of the bowl. Really, was Coulson a principle in his past life or something?

"I'm assuming you're not here for a social visit." Clint nods as he chews on a black jellybean- that was definitely a bad choice on his behalf. Coulson sits there patiently, one eyebrow raised as Clint struggles to finish the black jellybean and wonders if he can casually spit it out. Probably not, Coulson didn't miss much.

"That's correct sir." Coulson passed him a bottle of water and Clint smiled appreciatively, washing the taste out of his mouth.

"Then what can I do for you?"

"Well..." he starts hesitantly, sitting up straight. "It's about those acidic arrows in Spain."

"No."

"Huh?"

"Absolutely not. No." Clint really does try to stop himself from pouting.

"Bu-"

"No."

"Fine." he sighs standing up and dragging his feet from the room. Coulson doesn't even laugh at his dropped shoulders, fallen head and slow walk. He just sits there impassive and reminds Clint to shut the door behind him. He really wants those arrows.

.......

Clint stared down at the letter in his hands from S.H.I.E.L.D that had arrived for him that morning. Tony had brought it in from the hallway with a large smirk on his face.

It turned out the only thing that could make Tony Stark smile in the morning was either Steve shirtless or an official letter from S.H.I.E.L.D that was addressed to anyone but him.

The letter that he was trying very hard not to rip stated that even though Colonel Fury was out on business, Agent Coulson found the purchase of acidic arrows were more of a 'divestment than an investment' and 'people are still recovering from the sewerage incident earlier this year and that was with a bow and twig.'

Firstly, Clint didn't understand how buying arrows to help save the world were a divestment. He really thought that they would help save money because acidic arrows meant he would have to use less arrows to destroy things...right?

Secondly the sewerage incident was not his fault and he was going to stick by that notion until the day he died. If anything, S.H.I.E.L.D should be blaming Tony. It was his stupid idea to go into the sewers and play ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ because Steve liked the show and they had to do something special for him. Clint had been the one who suggested that they just play it in the mansion and cover everything in black sheets so it’s dark and dreary looking.

But No.

That wasn’t good enough for Tony I-will-not-recognise-the-massive-crush-I-have-on-Captain-America Stark.

It had to be the sewers.

So the team had very begrudgingly gone to the sewers to run around like Mutant Turtles and attack each other. Things just got more realistic than they should have and before they could say ‘Toilet’ shit had exploded.

Literally.

Each time Clint tried to explain that it really wasn’t his fault and Tony should be blamed, some S.H.I.E.L.D agent would start yelling about how they were never going to get the smell out of their room or Fury would mutter about how much it cost to have the entire cafeteria redone.

Regardless, Clint was not going to accept that as a reason for why he could not get those arrows. It’s not like he was going to end the world with them. Quite the opposite in fact, he was going to save the world from evil forces that just liked to pop up and try and make everyone fear their impending doom. And besides, it wasn’t as if he was asking for plutonium like Stark was.

Arrows were harmless- well sort of…not really but Clint wasn’t going to hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it.

Unless it was an accident.

Which had only happened twice.

Three times if you included the sewerage incident.

Which he didn’t because that was Tony’s fault.

In Spain Clint had used four acidic arrows. They were prototypes by some mad scientist and he had immediately fallen in love. They disintegrated the target within minutes of hitting it. Leaking the acid into the body so they would fade away. Each one was black with a metallic green tip, sleek to grip, precise when shot and faster than anything he had ever used- except for a sniper of course. So naturally when he had come home from the mission he had immediately filled in the paper work he would need to request some. The paperwork for crying out loud! Form after form he had filed in- writing what the arrows were like, the size, feather count, angle of the tip- everything that he would need so that S.H.I.E.L.D weapons could make them. But everyone had said no.

He had considered asking Tony. He was one for breaking the rules after all, and would probably make them better than any S.H.I.E.L.D lab. But then he would owe Tony a favor and everyone was still trying to forget the moment they will never speak of again when Steve and Thor had pranced around in bikinis for three days straight.

No. Definitely not Tony.

Then there was Bruce. He wouldn’t even think of asking for anything in return. He doubted that Bruce would agree to make him acidic arrows though. After avoiding living in Stark Tower for so long Bruce had been forced to move in after his room had been damaged in the sewerage accident- after he had calmed down enough to return to Bruce Banner though. He had hulked out of four days. Clint's pretty sure that Bruce doesn’t even think he should be using normal arrows anymore.

Natasha could always use that scary voice of hers that has everyone hold their breath and hide- even Steve who’s her favorite. She wouldn’t though. Clint could already see the way she would make that noise in the back of her throat, which everyone knows is a laugh, and walk away rolling her eyes. Maybe he could withhold sex until she got him the arrows. No, that always backfired when Natasha agreed with him and kept a good distance between them in the bed. Clint normally caved two days later.

Folding the letter and placing it on his bedside table Clint pulled out a stack of S.H.I.E.L.D paper that he was meant to use for paper work. If Coulson could write some fancy pants letter telling him he was not at all allowed acidic arrows then he could write one explaining exactly why he would be getting those arrows.

  
Uploaded with [ImageShack.us](http://imageshack.us)

Clint re-read it one more time and smiled at himself. He was going to hand deliver this letter to Coulson and watch his expression as he read it. Yes Clint was definitely getting those arrows. 

…….

Everything really fell into place on it’s own. Clint made his way through S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters and was about to knock on Phil’s door when he noticed the slight crack. Peering in he had stifled his half gasp half laugh as he saw Phil Coulson standing on his desk with a stapler on one hand and a make-shift cardboard S.H.I.E.L.D in the other, dressed as Captain America.

Really it shouldn’t have been such a surprise. After the entire vintage card scenario everyone knew Phil had a large case of the worships for the Captain. Clint smirked to himself and thought of poor vulnerable Steve who Coulson worshipped.

Yeah this could work.

…….

Clint sat on the couch sulking.

No one was home except Tony who was down in the lab trying to build some new remote for the television because Steve had broken the normal one. Again. He arranged himself on the couch so that when Steve walked through the front door he would be able to see Clint sitting their looking upset. He waited exactly five minutes and eight seconds until the door opened and he could hear Steve's boots against the floor. 

"Hey Clint, is every one else out? I just abou- are you ok?" Steve asked, walking into the living room with genuine worry on his face. Clint worked on keeping his face empty and sad and tried really hard not to laugh as Steve sat next to him.

"Not really." Clint sad as sadly as he could. Steve didn't reply for a moment as he moved a little closer to Clint.

"Want to talk about it?" Clint looked up from his lap to meet Steve's blue worried eyes. God he was a bastard for playing Captain America like this. _acidic arrows_ his mind threatened and he deepened his frown just a little bit more.

"My normal arrows just aren't working as well anymore."

"Why not just ask for new ones?" because I've already been told no five times.

"Because I want the acidic ones from Spain." Steve took in a sharp breath. He probably didn't think Clint should have arrows either. It was all Tony's fault. Bloody sewers, he would never ever go and play any sort of game in them again. He didn't care how much fund it was going to be.

"And you can't ask for them?" Clint shook his head.

"I don't want to ask Agent Coulson for anything else because he's already been so good to me. I guess I'll have to survive without them." Steve looked at Clint frowning. 

"I'm sure everything will work out." he told him. Clint shrugged and stood up.

"I guess. Thanks for the talk cap." Clint walked out and left Steve sitting there contemplating his words. All he had to do was wait. 

And wait he did.

Three days later Clint got a letter asking to come and check the design for the acidic arrows.

Hell. Yeah.

**2.**

The second time was not Clint's fault. 

But Tony Stark was someone who was just plain bitchy when he couldn’t finish a project. And that said project needed 15 kilos of plutonium that Coulson was not going to let him have. So really the only way to stop him from sulking around was to either:

a) Hand him a naked Steve on a platter which was not going to work because Steve wasn’t going to agree to just lay on a platter and be carried into a Tony’s room whilst letting his American Jewels hang free. So that left option b) Get Tony the Plutonium.

And there was only one way to get Tony the Plutonium. Turns out Clint didn’t even need to be the one pouting.

Steve was in the gym when Clint finally found him. The sweat on his back showed that he had been there for a while and the various broken punching bags broken- sand scattering the wooden floor, indicated obvious frustration. He held his breath and walked in as quietly as he could while Steve pounded another one of the bags with brutal force. With a final hit it swung from it’s chain, flying across the room and spilling sand at a rapid rate as it did.

“Hill is not going to be happy that you ruined her bags again.” Steve jumps slightly at the sound of Clint’s voice and turns to look at him with a sad expression. 

“Hey Clint.” He mutters, shoulders dropped as he moves to attach another bag to the chain. Clint watches the way he drags his feet the grab a broom and sweep some of the sand into a large pile in the corner.

“What’s up with you then?” Clint asked deciding that if he was going to abuse Steve’s secret ability he might as well play Dr. Phil. Steve sighed and gave a small shrug.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Its just…Tony’s mad at me.” Dear God those two needed to be locked in a room together. Clint was going to make sure of it because really this was getting ridiculous.

“Nah. He’s just being Tony.”

“No. He is. He yelled at me the other day.”

“He yells at you all the time.”

“Not for putting pickles in his sand which he doesn’t.” Steve let out a long sigh and sat on the bench, twiddling his thumbs and looking down at his lap. Clint moved to sit next to him and noted how when sulking Steve really did look like that scrawny kid from Brooklyn. He wondered if Tony actually felt bad for yelling at Steve about something as ridiculous as pickles- knowing Tony he was probably sulking around as well.

“Look Tony’s just stressed because of his work.”

“He is?” Steve looked up, eyes bright and hopeful. Clint tried not to snicker at how pathetic they both were. It’s not like they were seventeen again.

“Yeah. He can’t finish his project.”

“Why not?” Clint sucked in a deep breath, it was now or never right? And if it meant Tony was going to stop snapping at Cap and walking around like the entire world had ended then it was worth it. 

“Coulson won’t get him the plutonium.”

“Well how much does he need?”

“Fifteen kilos.” Steve let out a low whistle.

“That’s a lot.”

“Yeah. But if he had it I don’t think he’d be so unhappy anymore- he might even take you to that burger joint you keep talking about.” Steve definitely perked up at that and gave a small smile.

“So if Tony got his plutonium he wouldn’t be mad at me any more?”

“Right.” Said Clint, standing up and leaving.

“Wait!”

“Yeah?” he turned around slowly hoping Steve wasn’t smart enough to have caught on to his sign.

“Wanna spar?” Steve grinned manically and Clint gave a nod.

“Sure.”

Two days later Tony was delivered fifteen kilos of plutonium, when he kissed Steve on the cheek sloppily the super soldier couldn’t stop smiling for two days.

**3.**

Clint hadn't meant to get Natasha mad. That was the last thing he wanted to do because a mad Natasha meant no sex so really it was just going to punish himself if he said something to annoy her. 

And he had.

But was he really meant to not tell her that her jeans seemed a little too tight? That's what a good boyfriend did right- tell his girlfriend when she had put on a little bit of weight? Apparently not because she refused to speak to him or sleep in the same room as him and really he was running out of options. So he found Steve on the roof watering a small arrangement of petunias. "Hey Cap." "Clint. Can I help you with anything?" Clint shrugged-yes- and sat on the ledge of the roof, feet dangling above the ground far below. "Nat's feeling pretty home sick at the moment." he started. God what a lie. "Is that why she's not talking to anyone?" "Yeah." Steve frowned and rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe we should throw her a party or something?" "Well I was thinking of getting her this vodka she likes- Russo-Baltique." "Do you want me to come with you?" Steve asked, confused as to why Clint would be telling him this. "You can't get it here. It has to be ordered from over seas but I'm not allowed to go to Russia, let alone order anything from there." "I see. Should I do it?" "No. It could trace back to her or me, which could cause huge issues with the reds. The only one that could probably get it without alerting anyone of our identity is Coulson but I'm still trying to thank him for the arrows." Steve nodded and joined Clint on the ledge. "Well that's annoying." "Yeah it is." "Steve? Dear God! Get off of there before you drop to your death or something!" Tony yelled from behind them. Both men turned to see Tony standing there standing at Steve, pale in the face and eyes wide. Steve chuckled. "Relax Tony, I'm fine." nonetheless he turned off the ledge and walked forward. Tony visibly relaxes. "Fine is not what I'd be calling a flattened out Captain America. Come to my lab I have some designs I want to show you." When Steve looked like he would protest Tony grabbed his hand and yanked. "See you Clint!" Steve called and Clint rolled his eyes. "Bye." ...... "Clint?" Natasha called form the doorway, looking at him shyly. Clint smiled at her. "Are we talking again?" She rolled her eyes, walking into the room and locking the door behind her. "I got your present." "Oh?" she straddled his lap, arms wrapping around his neck. She gave a small smile. "Yeah oh, and this is the only time you can ever buy me back with gifts." Clint chuckled as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. "Wouldn't dream of it." Thank you Steve. 

**4.**

Steve was a good guy and it really wasn’t Clint’s fault that he kept doing these favors for people. It also wasn’t his fault that Coulson had a huge boy-crush on Captain America and said yes to anything that was asked. In fact, if you thought about it really hard he was actually doing a good thing. Using Steve- well not using…more utilizing the gifts Steve offered- to get these things was making the team happy, right? And a happy team meant that there was less fighting and angst, which meant less community service hours for breaking monuments or saying things that really shouldn’t be said on live T.V because they were all fighting. So really, Clint was making Coulson’s job easier than harder and when Fury came back from his holiday he would stop. 

This was going to be the last. He swore it. Buying Thor a puppy purse just seemed like to good an opportunity to let pass. 

He couldn’t go online and order it himself because Tony would find out which would lead to teasing. Then he would have to let Tony in on his plan and Tony would stupidly let it slip to Steve because of that ridiculous crush he has on him. Steve would frown at Clint and give him a lecture about tricking teammates into awkward situations which would result in Clint having to cancel the order and Thor not carrying around a puppy purse because he was told it was ‘the next thing since pop tarts’ was just disappointing. 

So Clint may or may not have mentioned in passing that Puppy purses were really popular these days and would be great for the team. Steve may or may not have gone to Coulson and asked for an order of six puppy purses. 

Natasha had made it very clear she wasn’t wearing one, Clint had decided he would have to use it for at leas a day. Tony had just snorted. Thor and Steve took them everywhere- the shops, the movies, dinner, for runs, Thor even wore his on a date with Jane who just looked at him for ten minutes before sighing and sitting down.

**5.**

When Clint was coming out of the practice room after a team session Tony had stopped him, grabbed him by the elbow and locked them into a cupboard. Clint found it slightly ironic that he finally had Tony locked in a cupboard- just with himself instead of Captain America. Tony stared at him calculatingly, arms crossed and foot tapping. He was still in the armor, which was far more intimidating than he really wanted to admit. 

“So how are you doing it?”

“Doing what?” Tony rolled his eyes.

“Come on Barton I’m all for a little rule breaking. How are you getting Coulson to pay for all this stuff.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He lied. Tony chuckled and began listing things off of his fingers.

“The acidic arrows that no one wanted you to have, fifteen kilos of Plutonium that I was told I wouldn’t get even if I would save the world, two pints of the second most expensive vodka in the world and now puppy purses?”

“I guess Coulson feels like being a good guy.” Tony snorted.

“I know it was you.”

“How do you know?”

“Well first you got the arrows…Natasha’ your girlfriend and you want to make her happy because an unhappy Natasha means no sex for you and you said not even a week ago how funny it would be if Thor carried around one of those puppy poodle purses.” Had he really said that? Way to be subtle Clint. He scolded himself and Tony looked triumphant, smirking and all.

“What about the plutonium?” Tony’s smirk faltered for a moment.

“Well I had no idea why you got that but I know it was you. So spill. Are you screwing him?”

“What? No! I’m dating Natasha.” Clint blushed and frowned at Tony’s chuckle.

“I don’t judge. Come on, tell me how you’re getting Coulson to cover our expenses?” Clint stared at Tony wondering what he was meant to say. ‘Turns out Coulson has a bigger crush on Steve than you do and does anything he asks’ didn’t seem like a good start. Clint itched the palm of his hand that had been gripping the bow earlier, when he forgot his hand guard it often resulted in the skin being irritated from the tight grip. 

“Well…I get Steve to do it.” 

“Steve?” well that was dangerous territory. Clint almost felt like saying that that’s who he was sleeping with just to see what Tony would do. Maybe finally come to terms with those feelings of his. No. He would definitely use the suit. 

“Yeah. I ask him and he asks Coulson.”

“So he’s at your beck and call?” Definitely dangerous territory, Tony did not look impressed at all that Clint seemed to be talking to Steve and getting him to do favors. Once this was over maybe Clint could get Tony to stay here and send in Steve. 

“No. I mention it and he goes and uses his puppy dog eyes on Coulson because he thinks he’s doing everyone a favor.”

“Puppy eyes?”

“Coulson will do anything if Cap asks him for it.” 

“So you’re using Cap to trick Coulson?” Tony did not look impressed. How on earth was Tony Stark- the man who did what ever the hell he wanted regardless of what people said, not even a little impressed?

“Well…not exactly…”

“Does Steve know that you’re using him like that?”

“He knows he’s asking Coulson…he just doesn’t know that he’s like…”

“So he doesn’t know that you’re using him to play on Coulson’s Captain America obsession to get things?”

“No.” Tony glared at him. This Steve thing was definitely getting out of control. Before Clint could even reply the door opened to reveal a large green chest heaving. Clint and Tony both stared as the Hulk stood there, arms crossed and head out of view.

“Hulk no like tricking Philson.” He snarled and Clint swallowed.

“I’m just going to go now…” Tony muttered, sneaking past the Hulk how was still glaring at Clint. He let out a large huff that nearly knocked Clint off of his feet.

“Hey there big guy. I think we’ve already talked about how you shouldn’t eaves drop on people’s conversation.” He tried to sound like he was mad. Really he did. He tried so hard but the Hulk snorted and let out a small growl.

“Hulk no like tricking Philson.” 

“Coulson.” Clint corrected and then scolded himself. Arguing with the Hulk was not a good idea. The Hulk looked at him unimpressed.

“Hulk no like lying to Philson. Philson buy Hulk Band-Aids!” 

“Well…what if…what if I got Philson to buy you oven you wanted?” 

“Philson buy Hulk oven?” Clint nodded slowly and watched as the Hulk smiled at him. A large green hand came and ruffled his hair, jarring his neck in the process. That was going to need to be looked at by the nurse. 

“Is that a yes big guy?”

“Hulk no tell Clint’s secret. Hulk get oven!” Clint chuckled.

“You sure do.”

**\+ 1.**

On Monday morning Fury arrived back form his mission. He was tired, annoyed and had a large cut on his thigh from when a sea urchin had been fired at him from a gun. These new villains were really just becoming a pain in the neck to deal with. Sighing, he sat at his desk and looked at the paperwork that had piled up from when he had been away.  
Bills  
Government visits notifications  
Jury duty- he was Nick Fury for Christ sakes!  
More bills  
Requests for an Avengers photo shoot- not after last time  
Quotes on how much it would be to repair the sewers- that was coming out of Barton’s pay.  
Invoice for twelve dozen acidic arrows  
Subscription to al- He froze. Double tracked. Acidic arrows? Who had signed off on that? 

Exiting his office Fury made fast pace for the accounting room, demanding that the man hand over the account books. The boy shook as he found the large leather binded book and held it to Fury. Without a thank you he yanked the book and in his haste sliced one of his fingers while turning through the pages to last week. Ignoring the drop of blood Fury stared at the page in front of him with a mixture of anger and shock on his usually impassive face.  
\- Twelve dozen Acidic arrows

\- Fifteen kilograms of Plutonium

\- Two pints of Russo-Baltique

\- Six puppy purses

\- One Barbie Easy Bake Oven

All signed off by Agent Phil Coulson  
What had been going on while he was away? 

…….

Clint knew he was screwed as soon as he got the memo that they would have a team meeting that day at exactly 1400 hours, signed Nick Fury. His foot twitched as he sat at the kitchen table and really tried to stay calm. Fury couldn’t possibly know that it was Clint who had orchestrated the entire thing right? That’s assuming that Fury actually knew what had happened. For all Clint knew this was a meeting with information about some new villain so there really was no need for him to freak out right? 

Wrong.

That morning at breakfast Tony and Natasha both stared at him over their eggs- not exactly glaring but not being friendly either. Bruce was frowning as he ate the brownies the Hulk had made and Thor was still parading around with his puppy dog purse even though Steve had given up on it. 

“I wonder what that meeting with Fury will be about today?” he asked casually. Natasha snorted.

“You can’t think of anything?” Clint actually didn’t even know how she knew! His bets were on Tony though.

“Nope.” He said as casually as he could, drinking his orange juice.

“Nothing at all?” Tony pressed and Clint just shook his head.

“Not off the top of my head. Pass the salt Steve?”  
“Not off the top of my head. Pass the salt Steve?” Quick as lightening Natasha grabbed Steve’s wrist in her hand and held it there, hovering over the salt. Her ees turned dark. 

“What did you do Clint Barton?” Ok so maybe she didn’t know…but she still knew…he was never going to understand that woman. 

“Why did I have to do something?”

“It is always you.” Bruce chimed and Clint glared.

“It is not!”

“Just fess up Barton.” Tony muttered. Clint wondered why he wouldn’t just tell them what he knew. Then again, Tony Stark liked to make everything difficult- even his torrid obsession with Steve. 

“No. Why am I always the one who gets blamed first?” He shouted, chucking perhaps a little bit of a hissy fit. But really, this was going to stop now because even if he did do something this time that didn’t mean he had done something the other gazillion times he got the blame.

“Well you do get us in trouble a lot…like the sewerage incident…” Clint looked at Steve who was very deliberately staring at the table. His wrist still in Natasha’s hand and hovering over the salt.

“That was NOT MY FAULT! JUST BECAUSE TONY’S IN LOVE WITH YOU OR SOMETHING!” Steve blushed a bright red and Tony looked at Clint angrily, glaring at him over the table. 

“Clint shut up!” Natasha told him. Her eyes threatening as she stared at him.

“Well it’s true! Tony’s the one who wanted to go and play the game because he wants Steve to love him and the two of them just need to get over it and got fuck already!”

“Clint!” “He’s been using Coulson to get us things!” Natasha and Tony yelled at the same time. Steve, who was a bright red and avoiding Tony’s eyes looked up at Clint and raised an eyebrow. Thor looked at them over his pop tarts and Bruce just shook his head. 

“This is too much.” Bruce muttered walking out of the room. Clint looked after him helplessly. Without the threat of Bruce hulking out they could do whatever they wanted to him really…the thought terrified him.

“What does Tony mean Clint?” Natasha’s words were clipped and emotionless. He stared down at his plate.

“It’s really not as bad as you think…”  
“He’s bee-”

“Tony shut up. Clint. Tell me what Tony means?” 

“You see…it was…I just really wanted those arrows and Coulson kept saying no and then I saw him dressed as Captain America and thought maybe I would have more luck if Steve asked so I tricked Steve into getting them for me and then Tony kept sulking because he couldn’t get plutonium and Steve was upset because Tony yelled at him for messing up his sandwich- and really you two just need to sort out your love issues- so I mentioned he needed plutonium and Natasha was mad at me because I called her fat and I know how much she likes that stuff and as for the puppy purses- I couldn’t turn down an opportunity to embarrass Thor and then the Hulk found out and he was mad and I didn’t want him to tell on me so the Barbie oven came along but I was only doing it to make you all happy!” he sucked in a deep breath of air and looked up from his plate. Natasha was torn between her ‘Kill’ face and her ‘No sex’ face. Tony was grinning slightly and Steve looked…hurt. He looked hurt as he stared at Steve over the table.

“You mean to tell me that no one else carries around poochy?”

“Poochy?” Thor flushed but otherwise kept his own.

“The purse that you bequeathed me with.”

“Sorry big guy.” He said quietly. Thor frowned and shook his head, looking down at the purse affectionately. 

“So you used me?” Steve said slowly and Clint shook his head furiously.

“No. You just don’t know the affect you have on people. Really Steve I didn’t meant to use you…just…well…just see if you had a better chance than I did.” Steve shook his head looking like a kicked puppy.

“Steve, I’m really sorry. I’ll…I’ll talk to Fury ok?” Steve sighed and stood up leaving the room. Clint looked after him helplessly. 

“Steve wait!” Tony called standing up and running after him. Clint let out a long sigh and looked at Thor and Natasha.

“You better fix this.” She stand standing up and leaving. Thor gave a huff, stomped his foot and turned on his heel following Natasha and leaving Clit alone in the kitchen, no longer hungry for eggs. 

No one was talking to him in the conference room. Fury still wasn’t there, Coulson obviously hadn’t been called and Clint was sitting on his own on one side of the table. Natasha, Steve and Tony were sitting across from him, Thor to his right and Bruce to his left. They all glared at him, except for Steve who still looked like Clint had stolen Christmas.

“Steve. I’m really sorry, it’s ok I’ll talk to Fury all right? I can fix this.” Steve didn’t even look at him and Tony put a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder…so were they a thing then? 

“Barton just shut up.” Tony hissed and Clint sighed falling back into his chair. If Coulson had of just said yes to those arrows than none of this would be happening and everything would be fine. Pulling out his phone Clint googled ‘How to Make a blog’ because if he was taking the blame for this than the world was going to know that the sewerage incident was Tony’s fault. He was going to get bands and posters and rallies and cool fun slogans and T-Shirts for everyone to wear so the world would know that Tony Stark was the one who caused the big sewer mishap of 2014. 

“Avengers.” Fury spoke as he walked in all in black- as usual. He looked menacing and dark, his coat swooping behind him like a cape as he came to stand in front of them all.

“I’m going to make this quick. I have no idea what you have done to Agent Coulson or how you got him to agree to purchasing these things. So I will give you five minutes to sort out your stories and tell me exactly what’s GOIN ON.” The Avengers all sat in the conference room awkwardly. Clint was reminded of the time he and Barney had let out the horses at the circus and been scolded. Looking up from his lap he saw Tony, Natasha and Bruce glaring at him while Steve looked at the table miserably and Thor was- Clint blinked…was Thor actually crying? 

Under the hard glares of his colleagues Clint decided he had to confess because Tony looked like he was about to grab him by the neck and strangle him. Just as he had opened his mouth, however, Steve had stood up and looked up at Fury with large wide blue eyes. Oh God, not on Fury! Clint thought desperately as Steve held the Colonel’s gaze. 

“Colonel Fury sir, we are all very sorry for what happened when you were away and understand it was a breach of conduct. I hope that you won’t punish Agent Coulson as it was all my fault for what happened and I wish too take the blame for me team.” Clint hissed as Natasha kicked him under the table. ‘Stop this’ she mouthed and Clint looked at her helplessly. Tony pinched his arm hard because Tony wasn’t going to let his lover boy take the blame was he? That would mean a sulking Cap, which would mean Tony would sulk because the Cap was sulking. As it turned out, Clint didn’t have to take the blame because Fury blinked a few times and then nodded slowly.

“Of course Captain. I suppose I can let it slip just this once.” And then he promptly left the room. Everyone stared after him in shock and Clint allowed himself a small smirk.  
Steve’s puppy eyes worked on Nick Friggen Fury. 

The possibilities were endless.


End file.
